EXCLUSIVE: Smokey Mo’s BBQ Rats Were Government Plants, Says Local Conspiracy Theorist

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming—except for me, because I’ve been warning you people for years—Smokey Mo’s BBQ has been caught in a scandal so vile, it makes the Austin City Council’s secret tofu agenda look like child’s play. That’s right, folks: rats. Not just any rats, but government-trained, deep-state-funded, probably-vaccinated rats infiltrating our sacred barbecue temples. Coincidence? I think not.

According to 'so-called' health inspectors (who we all know are just puppets of the globalist elite), Smokey Mo’s had a 'minor rodent issue.' Oh, really? A 'minor issue'? Tell that to the 500 Thanksgiving turkeys that were probably marinated in rat droppings. But don’t worry, the county says it wasn’t an 'imminent health hazard.' Sure, because nothing says 'safe to eat' like a side of rodent feces with your smoked brisket.

Let’s talk about the real hero here: John Wantz, the IT guy who somehow became the only person in the entire company with functioning eyeballs. This man saw rats, chewed wires, and ceiling leaks, and what did management do? They called them 'squirrels.' Squirrels! Folks, this is the level of denial we’re dealing with. And when Wantz dared to speak up, they retaliated by withholding his mileage reimbursement. That’s right—the deep state’s first move is always to attack your gas money. Classic.

But here’s the kicker: Smokey Mo’s claims the lawsuit is 'meritless' and that Wantz was just trying to extort them. Because nothing says 'extortion' like demanding basic workplace safety and not wanting to serve rat-infested turkey to unsuspecting families. Meanwhile, the grocery store next door is hearing scratching in the walls, but sure, everything’s fine. Just keep eating that BBQ, sheeple.

And let’s not forget the county’s glowing review: Smokey Mo’s is 'very cooperative.' Of course they are! They’re cooperating right into your digestive system. But hey, at least they didn’t reach 'imminent health hazard' levels. Because nothing says 'quality control' like a few rodent droppings near the oven. Bon appétit, Austin! Wake up before they replace your ribs with rat burgers.