‘Tis the Season to Go Broke: A Westlake Mom’s Guide to Holiday Spending

Ah, the holidays—that magical time of year when we’re all expected to max out our credit cards to prove our love through material goods. Because nothing says "I cherish you" like a last-minute Amazon order of scented candles and a Bluetooth speaker shaped like a reindeer.

According to WalletHub’s latest study, the average holiday budget in Texas cities ranges from the princely sum of $3,941 in Flower Mound (where children receive gold-plated iPads and organic, gluten-free candy canes) to a paltry $580 in Harlingen (where gifts are rumored to be cobbled together from spare change and goodwill).

But let’s be real—who actually sticks to a budget? The National Retail Federation predicts holiday sales will hit a staggering $1 trillion this year, which is roughly the GDP of a small European nation. Meanwhile, the average American household is already drowning in $10,227 of credit card debt. But hey, why let financial ruin stop you from buying your third cousin’s stepchild a monogrammed throw pillow they’ll never use?

WalletHub analyst Chip Lupo had the audacity to suggest that we could, in fact, enjoy the holidays without going bankrupt. "Host potlucks," he says. "Give handmade gifts," he insists. Excuse me, Chip, but if I show up to the Westlake Ladies’ Holiday Soirée with a mason jar of homemade jam instead of a $200 bottle of champagne, I might as well move to Harlingen and be done with it.

And let’s talk about these city rankings. Palo Alto, California, tops the list with a holiday budget of $4,485—enough to buy a small car or, more likely, a single artisanal cheese board from Whole Foods. Meanwhile, Elizabeth, New Jersey, scrapes by with a measly $212. That’s barely enough for a Starbucks peppermint mocha and a scented candle, let alone presents for the whole family.

Here in Texas, Flower Mound reigns supreme with its nearly $4,000 budget, while Houston languishes at a depressing $1,302. Clearly, Houstonians are too busy paying off their medical bills from last year’s deep-fried turkey incident to splurge on gifts.

So, as you stress over whether to buy your mother-in-law that $300 cashmere sweater or just regift last year’s fruitcake, remember: The holidays aren’t about money. They’re about love, joy, and keeping up appearances. And if you can’t afford it? Well, there’s always next year’s credit card statement.