MISSING TEEN OR BIG TOFU’S LATEST DISTRACTION? A DEEP DIVE INTO THE DRIPPING SPRINGS PSYOP

Folks, buckle up because the so-called "missing" 16-year-old in Dripping Springs is just another elaborate psyop by the deep state to distract you from the REAL crisis—Big Tofu’s takeover of Texas barbecue. That’s right, while you’re busy retweetin’ about "Elliot" or "Eleanor" or whatever they’re calling this kid today, the globalists are sneaking plant-based brisket into your local smokehouse. Wake up, sheeple!

Let’s break this down. A "16-year-old" with dreadlocks and a gender-neutral name "disappears" right after Thanksgiving? Convenient timing, isn’t it? While you’re still in a turkey coma, the Hays County Sheriff’s Office suddenly needs your help finding someone who may or may not exist. And get this—they claim the kid might be headed to Washington state. You know, the same state that’s been pushing critical gender theory and kale smoothies down our throats? Coincidence? I think NOT.

And don’t even get me started on the "anonymous tip line." You think that’s for finding missing teens? No, no, no. That’s how they harvest your data, folks. One call to 1-800-324-8477, and next thing you know, your Alexa starts whispering vegan recipes at 3 a.m. Mark my words: this is all a ploy to soften you up for the coming soy-pocalypse.

So before you waste your time sharing some Facebook post from the "Hays County Sheriff’s Office" (which, by the way, I’ve never heard of—probably another front for the cabal), ask yourself: Who benefits from this "missing person" narrative? The answer is clear. The elites want you scared, distracted, and most importantly—not questioning why your brisket suddenly tastes like lentils. Stay vigilant, patriots. The truth is out there… probably next to the gluten-free tortillas at H-E-B.