PumpkinGate: How the Deep State Is Using Fall Festivals to Destroy America

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except for me, because I’ve been warning you people for years), another small-town mayor has been caught with their hand in the taxpayer cookie jar. Lacee Duke, the now-infamous mayor of Uhland, Texas, has been arrested for allegedly misusing a cool quarter-million dollars of city funds. But let’s be real—this isn’t just about money. This is about the deep state’s latest attempt to destroy small-town America by turning our beloved Fall Fest into a woke, pumpkin-spiced dystopia.

According to the so-called "official" reports, Duke funneled $250,000 to Old Town Uhland, LLC, for the 2024 Uhland Fall Fest. But I’ve done my own research (i.e., scrolling through conspiracy forums at 3 a.m.), and I’ve uncovered the truth: this was all part of a sinister plot to replace our wholesome, family-friendly festivals with a socialist pumpkin uprising. Christopher Durst, the mastermind behind the Dripping Springs Pumpkin Festival, is clearly a puppet of the globalist elite. Why else would he need $1.5 million in "incentives" to move his pumpkin empire to Uhland? Wake up, sheeple!

And let’s talk about this "Old West–themed destination" on a historic dairy farm. Sounds innocent, right? Wrong. This is clearly a front for the Great Reset. First, they take our cows. Next, they’ll force us to drink almond milk and eat lab-grown brisket. The city’s economic development corporation buying the farm for $2 million? That’s your hard-earned tax dollars being used to fund the tofu-industrial complex.

Councilwoman Keshia Rollins-Contreras released a statement saying the city is "closely monitoring the situation." Translation: They’re covering it up. Duke’s $20,000 bond? Pocket change for the deep state operatives pulling the strings. And if she’s found guilty, she’ll serve 2 to 20 years—but let’s be honest, she’ll probably get a slap on the wrist and a job at the World Economic Forum.

Folks, this isn’t just about one corrupt mayor. This is about the systematic dismantling of our way of life. They’re coming for your festivals, your farms, and your freedom. And if you think this ends with pumpkins, you’re dead wrong. Next thing you know, they’ll be putting up charging stations for electric horses. Stay vigilant, patriots. The truth is out there—if you’re brave enough to see it.