Texas Dating Scene: Where Love Costs Less Than a Movie Ticket (But Good Luck Finding It)

Ah, love in Texas—where the dating scene is as unpredictable as a crypto market crash. According to WalletHub’s latest study, Texas cities are a mixed bag for singles, which is just a fancy way of saying 'good luck out there, champ.' Austin, our beloved tech-bro paradise, ranks No. 6 nationally, proving that if you’re single here, at least you’re surrounded by other single people who are too busy debating AI ethics to notice you. Sure, the economics rank is abysmal (No. 118), but who needs affordable rent when you’ve got 'fun and recreation'? Nothing says romance like a $15 craft beer and a food truck taco.

Meanwhile, Plano has the second-most online dating opportunities in the country, which is ironic because it also has the third-smallest share of singles. Translation: Plano is where dreams of love go to die in a suburban wasteland of HOA-approved lawn decor. But hey, at least you can swipe right in peace, knowing your match is probably just another bored accountant named Greg.

Garland, bless its heart, has the fewest nightlife activities per capita but the cheapest restaurant meals. So if your idea of a hot date is a $10 Denny’s Grand Slam at 2 p.m., congratulations—you’ve found your soulmate. And let’s not forget Corpus Christi, where movie tickets cost half as much as in Long Beach, California. Because nothing sets the mood like a $5 screening of 'The Fast and the Furious 12' in a theater that still smells like 2003.

At the bottom of the barrel sits Brownsville, the worst city for singles in the entire country. But hey, at least it’s cheap! If you’re single in Brownsville, your best bet is probably to invest in a good Wi-Fi connection and a VPN for those long-distance Zoom dates. Or just embrace the solitude—after all, as any crypto bro will tell you, sometimes the best investment is in yourself.

So, to all the singles out there: whether you’re in Austin dodging VC-funded pickup lines or in Brownsville wondering if Tinder even works there, remember—love is a gamble. And in Texas, the house always wins.