GOVERNMENT WINTER SCARE TACTICS EXPOSED: How 'Safety Tips' Are Really Mind Control

Folks, it's happening again. The so-called 'experts' are rolling out their annual fear-mongering campaign to keep you trapped inside your homes this winter. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly part of the globalist agenda to turn Austin into a nanny-state dystopia where you can't even check your mail without a government-approved safety whistle and a bag of 'Big Salt'™ (patent pending).

Let's break down this propaganda piece by piece, shall we? First, they want you to 'stay home' during winter weather. Why? Because if you're not driving, you're not buying gas. And if you're not buying gas, the oil companies can't fund their secret lizard-person overlords. Wake up, sheeple!

Then there's the whole 'falling on ice' scare tactic. I've lived in Texas for 35 years and I've never seen ice that didn't come in a margarita glass. This is clearly a ploy by Big Orthopedic to sell more walkers and hip replacements. And don't even get me started on their 'hypothermia' nonsense. The last time it was cold enough for hypothermia in Austin, the Alamo was still standing!

The most hilarious part? Their 'heart attack warnings.' They want you to get screened by age 45? That's exactly when the government starts tracking your cholesterol levels to determine your social credit score! And their so-called 'healthy food' recommendations? Probably written by the same tofu-pushing elites who want to ban our beloved brisket.

Here's the real winter safety tip they don't want you to know: stock up on ammo, canned beans, and tinfoil (for hats, obviously). The only 'emergency' we need to prepare for is the one where the deep state tries to take our generators and force us to watch CNN. Stay vigilant, patriots!