SNAKE-GATE: The Globalist Reptilian Takeover of Texas Rivers

Oh, great. Just what we needed—another reason to question everything. The so-called 'experts' at WorldAtlas have declared that Central Texas rivers are 'snake-infested,' but let’s be real, folks. This is just another deep-state distraction to keep you from asking the real questions: Who really controls the snake population? Why are they pushing this narrative now? And most importantly, why are they trying to scare you away from our beautiful rivers? I’ll tell you why—because they don’t want you to see what’s really lurking in those waters.

First, they claim the Colorado and Guadalupe rivers are teeming with 'harmless' water snakes. Harmless? That’s what they want you to think. These 'nonvenomous' serpents are just the cover story. Meanwhile, the Western cottonmouth—the only 'semi-aquatic viper in the world'—is slithering around like it owns the place. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly a test run for the globalist elite’s next phase: reptilian overlords. Wake up, sheeple!

And let’s talk about the timing. Winter? Mild? They’re conditioning you to accept that snakes are 'always around,' just like they’ve conditioned you to accept rising taxes, disappearing barbecue joints, and the sudden influx of kale smoothie stands. Open your eyes! This isn’t about 'snake safety'—it’s about control. They want you afraid, compliant, and most of all, distracted while they replace our beloved rivers with genetically modified, surveillance-capable snakes. Mark my words: these snakes are probably microchipped.

Now, they’ll tell you to 'learn which snakes are venomous' and 'leave them alone.' Typical. They don’t want you fighting back. But here’s the truth: the real venom isn’t in the snakes—it’s in the lies they’re feeding you. So next time you’re by the river, keep your eyes peeled. Not for snakes, but for the shadowy figures releasing them. And if you see a 'harmless' water snake? Ask yourself: who programmed it to say that?