Austin, Dallas Named Most Festive Cities—Because Nothing Says ‘Merry Christmas’ Like an HOA Violation

Oh, joy. Another year, another groundbreaking revelation that Austin and Dallas are the most festive cities in America. Because nothing says "holiday spirit" like outspending your neighbors on LED reindeer and inflatable Santas until your electricity bill could fund a small country's GDP.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer Texas-ness of this achievement. Why settle for a tasteful wreath when you can drape your entire McMansion in enough twinkling lights to guide airplanes? And don’t even get me started on the synchronized light shows set to Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas Is You—because nothing says "peace on Earth" like subjecting your cul-de-sac to a 10-minute loop of high-decibel holiday cheer.

Of course, this ranking comes from Thumbtack, the same people who help you find a handyman to fix the damage caused by your overzealous light display. Coincidence? I think not.

And let’s not overlook the real reason Texas dominates the list: mild winters. While the rest of the country is shoveling snow, we’re outside in shorts, sipping pumpkin spice lattes, and debating whether the 12-foot-tall animatronic elf is too much (spoiler: it’s never too much).

But the best part? The subtle neighborhood warfare. You think your three strands of icicle lights are festive? Karen down the street has a life-sized nativity scene with a smoke machine. And don’t even try to compete with the guy who turns his entire yard into a winter wonderland—complete with a fake snow machine that inevitably triggers the HOA’s wrath.

So congratulations, Austin and Dallas. You’ve officially won the title of Most Likely to Blind Passengers on Nearby Flights. May your light displays shine bright, your extension cords never overheat, and your HOA complaints be plentiful. ‘Tis the season, y’all.