Time Magazine Crowns AI Overlords as 2025’s Person of the Year—Because Who Needs Humans Anyway?

The AI Overlords Have Spoken: Time Magazine Bows to Our New Silicon Saviors

In a move that shocked absolutely no one who’s been paying attention (or, you know, has a Twitter account), Time Magazine has officially crowned the “Architects of AI” as its 2025 Person of the Year. That’s right, folks—Sam Altman, Jensen Huang, and the rest of the tech oligarchy have finally been given the golden stamp of approval by the media elite. Cue the dystopian fanfare.

Texas, the land of barbecue and billion-dollar data centers, is apparently the new promised land for AI’s holy crusade. Google is dropping $40 billion—forty billion—on data centers here, because nothing says “innovation” like turning West Texas into a server farm the size of a small country. Oracle, Nvidia, and AMD have all set up shop in Austin, because where else would you go if you wanted to overpay for tacos and underpay your interns?

But let’s talk about the real star of the show: Stargate. No, not the sci-fi movie—the AI infrastructure project (because naming things after pop culture is the closest these guys get to having personalities). OpenAI and Oracle are building data centers in Abilene, because if there’s one thing West Texas needed, it’s more things sucking up electricity and spitting out algorithms. Soon, the tumbleweeds will be replaced by server racks, and the coyotes will howl in binary.

And let’s not forget Time’s brilliant framing of this whole thing. The Person of the Year isn’t about being good—it’s about being impactful. So congrats, AI bros, you’ve successfully convinced the world that replacing human jobs with chatbots is defining the year’s story. Last year, it was Trump’s second non-consecutive term (because why not?), and now it’s the guys who taught robots to write bad poetry. What’s next? Person of the Year 2026: The Roomba That Finally Learned to Love?

So here we are, folks. The future is now, and it’s powered by GPUs, venture capital, and the unshakable belief that if we just throw enough money at silicon, it’ll solve all our problems. Or at least make a few tech CEOs rich enough to buy their own private islands. Either way, disruption wins again. Pass the vape.