Austin Crowned 'Best City for Wealthy Millennials'—Because Someone Had to Win

Ah, Austin—the shining beacon of avocado toast, overpriced condos, and tech bros who still think blockchain is the future. A new study has crowned our beloved city as the No. 1 metro for affluent millennials, which, let’s be honest, is just a fancy way of saying "the best place to flex your Tesla and complain about property taxes."

According to Trust & Will (because nothing screams "millennial priorities" like an online estate planning service), Austin has everything a wealthy 30-something could want: skyrocketing home prices, a thriving startup scene, and enough kombucha on tap to drown your existential dread. The study measured eight whole indicators, including GDP growth and employment stats, but let’s be real—what really matters is whether you can Instagram your $8 cold brew in front of a "Keep Austin Weird" mural without getting side-eyed by a homeless encampment.

Austin’s GDP growth is No. 1, which tracks, because nothing grows faster here than the line at Franklin Barbecue and the collective regret of locals who remember when rent was "affordable." Meanwhile, median household income growth sits at a depressing No. 33, proving that while some millennials are thriving, the rest of us are just one missed paycheck away from moving back in with our parents.

And let’s not forget the real winners here: the landlords. With Zillow Home Values hitting new highs every five minutes, Austin’s housing market is basically a game of "how many roommates can you legally fit into a 500-square-foot studio?" (Spoiler: The answer is "more than the fire code allows.")

Rounding out the top 10 are other millennial paradises like Raleigh, Phoenix, and Boise—because nothing says "I’ve made it" like moving to Idaho and pretending you’re "into nature" now. Meanwhile, Baton Rouge and Rochester sit at the bottom of the list, probably because they lack the essential "vibes" required for a proper "disruptive lifestyle."

So congrats, Austin. You’ve officially become the Disneyland of Disposable Income—where every day is a chance to "hustle," overpay for tacos, and wonder why the traffic somehow got worse overnight. Stay weird, stay wealthy, and for the love of God, stop telling people to move here.