FDA Recalls Cinnamon: The Latest Attack on Your Freedom to Season

Oh, great. Just when you thought the government couldn’t possibly interfere more in your life, they’ve come for your cinnamon. That’s right, folks—the FDA, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that your morning cinnamon toast is a public health hazard. Because apparently, a little extra lead in your diet is worse than the actual poison they’re pumping into our water supply with fluoride. Wake up, sheeple!

Let’s break this down. The FDA claims this cinnamon—conveniently sold in 15 states, including our beloved Texas—has "elevated levels of lead." But have they ever stopped to ask why there’s lead in the cinnamon? No, of course not. Because if they did, they’d have to admit that this is just another ploy by Big Pharma to scare you into buying their overpriced "lead-free" supplements.

And let’s talk about the timing. This "recall" just happens to coincide with the holiday season, when cinnamon is in high demand. Coincidence? I think not. This is clearly an attack on your God-given right to pumpkin spice everything. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us eggnog causes spontaneous combustion.

But here’s the real kicker: the FDA says no illnesses have been reported. So why the panic? Because they need you to panic. They need you to throw out perfectly good cinnamon so you’ll run to the store and buy their approved brands—the ones that probably cost twice as much and are owned by the same shadowy corporations funding the FDA in the first place.

And don’t even get me started on the "health effects" of lead. Sure, it might cause brain damage, but have you seen the state of public education lately? A little lead poisoning might actually improve some people’s critical thinking skills.

So here’s my advice: ignore the FDA. Keep sprinkling that cinnamon like the free American you are. If you start glowing in the dark or developing superhuman strength, well, that’s just a bonus. And if the government comes knocking, tell them Alex Jaxon sent you—and that you’re not giving up your spice rack without a fight.

Stay vigilant, patriots. The war on breakfast has begun.