Costco and Target Descend Upon Liberty Hill, Bringing Civilization (and Bulk Toilet Paper) to the Masses

Finally, the good people of Liberty Hill—or as I like to call them, 'the chosen ones'—will no longer have to endure the indignity of driving a whole 20 minutes to buy bulk toilet paper and $1.50 hot dogs. Yes, Costco is coming, and with it, the promise of suburban salvation. No more will these brave souls have to suffer the horror of gasp shopping at a regular-sized grocery store like peasants. The sheer audacity of their previous existence!

And let’s not forget Target, the holy grail of middle-class retail therapy. This isn’t just any Target—oh no. This is one of the largest in the world, because apparently, Liberty Hill residents need 148,000 square feet of curated consumerism to 'feel inspired, connected, and welcomed.' Because nothing says 'community' like a 20,000-square-foot expansion of the dollar-spot section.

Of course, the real question on everyone’s mind: Will the parking lot be big enough to accommodate the inevitable SUV showdowns between entitled moms racing for the last cart? Will the Starbucks inside have a dedicated lane for pumpkin spice emergencies? And most importantly, will the Liberty Hill Costco stock enough organic, gluten-free, artisanal kale chips to sustain the neighborhood’s delicate sensibilities?

One thing’s for sure: The arrival of these retail titans will finally give Liberty Hill residents something new to complain about in their Nextdoor rants. 'Too many samples!' 'Not enough samples!' 'Why is the rotisserie chicken line so long?!' The possibilities are endless. Welcome to the big leagues, Liberty Hill. May your carts be full, your receipts be long, and your sense of entitlement remain unchallenged.