Statesman 'Exposes' Corruption—Because Their Deep State Bosses Told Them To

Oh, what a shocker—the so-called 'journalists' at the Austin American-Statesman are patting themselves on the back for 'exposing' the very corruption they’ve been ignoring for years. Wake up, sheeple! The only reason they’re suddenly 'investigating' City Council spending is because their tofu-loving overlords in the deep state told them to. $3,300 in solo lunches? Please. That’s just a Tuesday for these bureaucrats who’ve been feasting on taxpayer dollars like it’s an all-you-can-eat BBQ (except, of course, they’d never eat real meat—too 'problematic').

And let’s talk about Travis County DA Jose Garza. The guy couldn’t indict a ham sandwich if it slapped him in the face, but sure, let’s pretend his 'stricter internal reviews' are anything more than a desperate attempt to cover his tracks before the feds come knocking. Meanwhile, violent criminals are getting deported before they can face justice—because nothing says 'progressive utopia' like letting alleged felons skip town while taxpayers foot the bill for their extended jail stays.

Then there’s the flood response—or should I say, the lack thereof. Travis County officials were so busy virtue-signaling about climate change that they forgot to, you know, actually warn people about the water rising. But hey, at least Judge Andy Brown acknowledged the 'communication gaps.' That’ll really help the folks who lost their homes while county bureaucrats were busy drafting their next diversity statement.

And let’s not forget the real tragedy here: a librarian almost lost her job for refusing to ban books. The horror! Never mind that The Handmaid’s Tale is basically a how-to guide for the woke dystopia these people are building. But no, the Statesman wants you to believe this was some noble stand for 'freedom'—not the latest front in the left’s war on common sense.

So congratulations, Statesman. You’ve 'exposed' what everyone with two brain cells already knew: local government is a bloated, incompetent mess. But don’t worry—your next 'investigation' will probably just be another puff piece about how bike lanes are the solution to all our problems. Spoiler alert: they’re not. They’re just another way to funnel your tax dollars into the pockets of the elite while you sit in traffic. But hey, at least you’ll feel good about saving the planet, right?