Texas’ Firework Regulations: A Deep State Plot to Steal Your Freedom (And Your Fun)

Folks, it’s that time of year again—when the so-called "government" tells you exactly when and where you can celebrate freedom with explosives. That’s right, the Texas deep state has decreed that you can only legally blow things up during certain "approved" holidays. Because nothing says "liberty" like asking permission to light a sparkler within 600 feet of a church.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The powers-that-be (probably the same folks who want to take away your gas stoves) have decided that fireworks are only allowed during specific windows. Lunar New Year? Sure. Texas Independence Day? Obviously. But try setting off a Roman candle on a random Tuesday in March, and suddenly you’re a criminal. Coincidence? I think not.

And don’t even get me started on the 1.4G classification. That’s right, folks, your skyrockets and bottle rockets are now contraband. The elites don’t want you having too much fun—or, more likely, they’re saving all the good explosives for their underground bunkers.

Meanwhile, Austin’s New Year’s events are just a smokescreen. Free activities at Auditorium Shores? More like a taxpayer-funded indoctrination camp where they’ll force-feed you vegan tacos and subliminal messages about bike lanes. And don’t even think about attending Bob Schneider’s party—rumor has it he’s a puppet for the globalist music industry.

But here’s the real kicker: Fairmont Austin’s "Rhinestone Rodeo Bash" costs $125 a person. That’s right—for the price of a small armory of fireworks, you can sip overpriced champagne while the elites laugh at you from their skyboxes. Wake up, sheeple!

So this New Year’s, do what real patriots do: Ignore the rules, light up the sky, and remember—every firework you set off without permission is a middle finger to the bureaucrats who want to control your joy. Just make sure you’re at least 100 feet away from any flammable material (unless it’s a government building, in which case, use your best judgment). Happy New Year, and stay vigilant!