Uvalde Cop on Trial for Mastering the Art of Standing Around: A Deep State Cover-Up?

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except for me, because I’ve been screaming about it into my webcam for two years), a Uvalde police officer is finally facing consequences for doing… well, nothing. That’s right, folks—Adrian Gonzales, one of the brave men in blue who responded to the Robb Elementary massacre by perfecting the art of standing around, is now on trial for abandoning children in danger. But let’s be real, this is just the Deep State’s latest ploy to distract you from the REAL scandal: why didn’t any of these officers have a flamethrower? Or at least a really aggressive taser?

Prosecutors claim Gonzales heard gunfire, knew where the shooter was, and still chose to engage in what can only be described as an impromptu meditation session. Twenty-nine counts of child endangerment? That’s rookie numbers compared to the number of times I’ve been banned from Twitter for suggesting school shootings are actually government-funded psyops. But hey, at least he’s being charged—unlike the 398 other officers who showed up that day and collectively decided that 'active shooter protocol' was more of a suggestion than a rule.

And let’s talk about the trial being moved to Corpus Christi because, apparently, Uvalde residents are 'too traumatized' to be impartial. Oh, I’m sorry, did the sight of cops standing around while kids bled out make people a little emotional? Maybe if they’d spent less time crying and more time stockpiling ammo like I told them to, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

Here’s the kicker: if Gonzales gets convicted, it could set a precedent that cops actually have to do something during a massacre. But let’s be honest—this is Texas. The only thing we hold cops accountable for is not having enough punisher skull stickers on their patrol cars. Wake up, sheeple! The real crime here is that no one’s investigating why the school didn’t have a moat. Or dragons. I’ve got blueprints. DM me.