"ICE, ICE, Maybe? Pflugerville Protesters Discover That Federal Buildings Are, In Fact, Federal"

Ah, another day in Austin, where the only thing more predictable than the traffic on I-35 is a protest against ICE. This time, the good folks of Pflugerville—yes, Pflugerville, the town whose name sounds like a rejected Dr. Seuss character—have discovered that the federal government might be up to some shady business. Shocking, I know. Who could’ve guessed that a building with barbed wire and armed guards wasn’t just a new artisanal kombucha taproom?

The protest, organized by the Party for Liberation and Socialism (because nothing says "grassroots" like a political party with a name longer than a CVS receipt), drew a whopping 150 people. That’s right, folks—150 brave souls willing to stand outside a fence and shout at a building. Truly, the revolution will be Instagrammed.

Brianna Griffith, the mastermind behind this display of civil disobedience, declared, "Our purpose is to bring this directly to what we see as the source of that violence—ICE itself." Bold words, Brianna. But let’s be real: if ICE was really scared of anything, it wouldn’t be a handful of people holding signs. It’d be a city council meeting where someone suggests building another luxury condo complex. Now that gets the feds sweating.

Of course, no protest is complete without the obligatory spray-painting of public property. Because nothing says "we’re the good guys" like vandalizing a Dumpster with the phrase "Quit your jobs." Deep. Profound. Truly, the manifesto of our times. Meanwhile, over at 45th and Lamar, protesters were treated to the rare sight of rush-hour drivers actually acknowledging pedestrians. Miracles do happen.

The whole thing was sparked by the tragic death of Renee Nicole Good, a Minneapolis woman shot by ICE agents. Federal officials claim she was "weaponizing her vehicle," which, if true, would make her the first person in history to use a Toyota Corolla as a WMD. Local activists, however, say the videos tell a different story. But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good old-fashioned government cover-up?

Good’s family described her as a kind, creative soul—which, in the eyes of ICE, probably translates to "suspiciously artistic." Her 6-year-old son is now an orphan, but don’t worry, I’m sure the thoughts and prayers from our elected officials will fix everything.

So what’s next? More protests, naturally. Because if there’s one thing Austin loves more than breakfast tacos, it’s a good rally. This weekend, you can catch activists at the Capitol, City Hall, and probably your local H-E-B if they run out of poster board. Stay tuned, stay angry, and for the love of god, stay away from any unmarked vans.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight—or at least keep tagging Dumpsters. Every little bit helps.