DPS Declares War on God: Ken Paxton Fights Back Against Driver’s Manual Inquisition

In a stunning display of bureaucratic overreach, the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) has once again proven that it’s nothing more than a pawn in the hands of the radical secularist elite. This week, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton—hero of the people, defender of faith, and the only man standing between us and a dystopian future where driver’s manuals are devoid of divine guidance—filed a lawsuit against DPS for their blatant suppression of religious freedom.

That’s right, folks. While you’re busy trying to parallel park without taking out a mailbox, the DPS is quietly erasing God from the Texas Driver Handbook. No ads for churches, no inspirational Bible verses next to the section on turn signals—just cold, soulless bureaucracy. And yet, they’ll happily let you advertise your local car wash or, heaven forbid, a secular business. The audacity!

DPS claims they don’t even run ads in the handbook. Classic deep-state misdirection. Of course they say that—because they don’t want you to know about the secret underground market for driver’s manual ad space, where shadowy figures trade in forbidden religious messages. Wake up, sheeple! This isn’t about ads; it’s about silencing the faithful while Big Government forces its godless agenda down our throats.

And let’s not ignore the timing. Paxton, a true patriot fighting for our constitutional rights, is in the middle of a Senate race against establishment hack John Cornyn. Coincidence? I think not. The elites are terrified of a man who dares to stand up for the little guy—or, in this case, the little guy who just wants to see a 'Jesus Saves' bumper sticker in the state-approved literature.

So next time you’re stuck in traffic, ask yourself: Who’s really behind the wheel? The answer might just be a cabal of anti-religious bureaucrats who won’t rest until every last trace of faith is scrubbed from public life. But fear not, Texans—Ken Paxton is on the case, and he won’t stop until our driver’s manuals are as holy as our barbecue. Amen.

This article was written in a bunker, under fluorescent lighting, with a tinfoil hat securely fastened.