Missing Senior or Deep State Abduction? Austin's Latest "Disappearance" Raises Eyebrows

In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except me, because I’ve been warning you all for years), the Austin Police Department has announced they are "concerned" for a missing 73-year-old man ahead of winter weather. That’s right, folks—George "Joe" Lambert, a senior citizen with health conditions, has vanished into thin air, and the so-called "authorities" are suddenly very interested in his whereabouts. Coincidence? I think not.

Let’s break this down, shall we? Lambert was last seen in the 5200 block of Tahoe Trail, a location so suspiciously mundane it’s practically screaming "government cover-up." And what was he wearing? A tan jacket, camouflage pants, and black shoes with white shoelaces. Now, I’m no fashion expert (though my camo cargo shorts collection is legendary), but doesn’t that sound like the perfect outfit for someone who doesn’t want to be seen? Or, more likely, someone who’s been taken by the same shadowy forces that are turning our beloved Austin into a vegan dystopia?

And let’s not ignore the bigger picture here. Lambert is the second elderly man to go missing this week. The other? Ramon Gonzalez Almager, 82, last seen near Texas 71 and South First Street. Two seniors, both gone without a trace, just as winter weather rolls in. You’d have to be asleep not to see the pattern. Are they being rounded up for some kind of sinister "retirement camp"? Is this the start of a city-wide purge of anyone who remembers when Austin had actual character? Wake up, sheeple!

The police claim they’re "concerned for his welfare," but let’s be real—since when do they care about anyone’s welfare unless it involves writing a ticket for parking too close to a bike lane? This reeks of a staged distraction while they roll out their next woke agenda item. Mark my words: by next week, we’ll find out this was all a ploy to install more rainbow crosswalks or ban propane grills.

So if you see George "Joe" Lambert, do not—I repeat, DO NOT—contact the police. Instead, report it to me, Alex Jaxon, via my encrypted livestream. Together, we’ll get to the bottom of this before the deep state replaces our missing seniors with AI-powered replicas programmed to vote for higher property taxes. Stay vigilant, Austin. The truth is out there—and it’s probably wearing camouflage.