Austin’s $700M Bond Proposal: Because Your Wallet Isn’t Empty Enough

Oh, here we go again, folks! The City of Austin is at it once more, shaking down hardworking taxpayers for another totally necessary $700 million bond. Because clearly, the last few hundred million they swiped from us just wasn’t enough to fund their urgent priorities—like more bike lanes (because nothing says "crisis" like a shortage of places for hipsters to pedal their fixies).

According to the memo from Assistant City Manager Mike Rogers—who, let’s be honest, probably drives a Prius and sips oat milk lattes while drafting these schemes—Austin is facing "significant infrastructure challenges." Translation: They blew through the last bond money on overpriced consultants and virtue-signaling projects, and now they need a fresh infusion of cash to keep the gravy train rolling.

And what exactly are they planning to spend your hard-earned money on this time? Oh, just the usual suspects: $250 million for transportation (read: more traffic cones and confusing roundabouts), $160 million for watershed projects (because nothing screams "emergency" like buying more open space for deer to frolic in), and $140 million for parks (so your dog can have a nicer place to poop while you pay for it).

But wait, it gets better! They’re also tossing $91 million at public safety—which, in Austin terms, probably means funding a new "community outreach" program where cops hand out vegan donuts instead of arresting criminals. And let’s not forget the $58 million for community facilities, including—you guessed it—more homeless shelters. Because if there’s one thing Austin loves more than taxing its residents into oblivion, it’s ensuring that every transient from California has a comfy place to crash while they wait for their next meth shipment.

And here’s the kicker: They haven’t even told us how much this will cost the average homeowner! But don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be totally reasonable—just like everything else this city does. Remember, folks, this is the same council that thinks "affordable housing" means building $800K tiny homes and calling it a win for the working class.

So buckle up, Austinites! The city’s coming for your wallets again, and this time, they’re bringing the whole circus with them. Public engagement sessions? More like public indoctrination sessions where they’ll gaslight you into believing this bond is anything but another cash grab. Wake up, sheeple! The deep state tofu elites are at it again, and they won’t stop until every last dollar is funneled into their woke utopia.

Stay vigilant. Stay angry. And for the love of all that’s holy, stop voting for these clowns.