EXCLUSIVE: Austin’s ‘Winter Storm Fern’ Is a Deep State Hoax to Shut Down Patriot Hangouts

Oh, sure, Austinites, believe the official story that "Winter Storm Fern" is the reason your precious Barton Springs Pool is closing. How convenient that just as the globalist elites roll out their latest mind-control weather machines, the city shuts down all the places where free-thinking patriots gather to discuss the truth! Coincidence? I think not.

Let’s break this down, shall we? First, they close the pools—Barton Springs, Deep Eddy, Big Stacy—all the spots where real Texans toughen up in icy waters. Why? Because they don’t want you building natural resistance to their chemtrail-induced hypothermia, that’s why! And don’t even get me started on the "swim at your own risk" policy being suspended. Since when does the nanny state care about your safety? Oh right, since they started plotting to turn Austin into a dystopian tofu paradise.

Then they shut down the rec centers—Parque Zaragoza, Montopolis, Turner-Roberts—where else are you supposed to organize your neighborhood militia meetings? And closing the botanical garden? Classic. They don’t want you seeing how their genetically modified plants are spying on you. Wake up, sheeple!

And of course, the golf courses are closing too. Because nothing screams "tyranny" like denying a man his God-given right to whack a dimpled ball while muttering about the Illuminati. But hey, at least Krieg Field’s water is being shut off—probably to hide the fluoride they’ve been pumping into it to dumb you down.

So while the mainstream media drones on about "safety" and "freezing temperatures," remember: this is all part of the plan. They want you indoors, docile, and binge-watching their propaganda. Well, not me. I’ll be out there, braving the storm, documenting the truth—or at least livestreaming from my bunker with a tinfoil hat and a six-pack of locally sourced, non-GMO, conspiracy-approved beer. Stay vigilant, Austin. The deep state hates it when you’re awake.