Target's Hill Country Takeover: Because Nothing Says 'Charm' Like a Parking Lot

Oh, great. Just what the Hill Country needed: another monument to consumerist excess, conveniently located between the kombucha bar and the artisanal pickle shop. Target, that bastion of affordable chic, has decided to bless Dripping Springs with a 145,000 square-foot temple of temptation. Because nothing says 'preserving the natural beauty of the Hill Country' like a parking lot the size of a small European nation and a building that probably uses enough energy to power my fixie bike for a millennium.

I can already picture it: rows of plastic-wrapped avocados, aisles of synthetic clothing made by underpaid workers, and enough single-use packaging to choke a sea turtle from here to the Gulf. But hey, at least it's 'easy, affordable, and convenient,' as their spokesperson so poetically put it. Because who needs local charm when you can have the same mass-produced junk available in every suburban sprawl from Minneapolis to Mars?

And let's not forget the shopping center they're building around it—because one big box store wasn't enough. They're adding more retail space, because what Dripping Springs really lacks is opportunities to buy things we don't need. I'm sure the local businesses, you know, the ones run by actual humans with souls, are thrilled to compete with a corporate behemoth that probably has a algorithm dedicated to crushing them.

It's only two miles from that new H-E-B, which already offers a dystopian selection of processed foods. Soon, residents will have to choose between two giants in a battle for their grocery dollars, all while the real victims—the environment, small entrepreneurs, and my delicate sensibilities—suffer in silence. But at least the population has doubled since 2020, so there are more people to enjoy this descent into commercialized hell. Progress, am I right?

I'm starting a new Instagram campaign: #NotMyTarget. Who's with me? We'll chain ourselves to the bulldozers, or at least post very angry stories about it. Fight the power, one like at a time.