Cancer or Conspiracy? Austin Instagram Star's Illness Exposed as Elite Distraction Tactic

Folks, they’re at it again. The so-called ‘mainstream media’ is trying to pull the wool over your eyes with this heartstring-tugging tale of Chris Cates, the ‘founder’ of that Instagram page that tells you where to find overpriced avocado toast and artisanal kombucha. Stage 4 colon cancer? Spread to the liver? Sounds like a convenient cover story cooked up by the deep state to distract you from what’s really going on.

Let’s connect the dots, people. This ‘diagnosis’ drops right when the city council is pushing their latest agenda: mandatory veganism at all public events. Coincidence? I think not. Cates runs an account that promotes ‘events’—code for gatherings where they slowly brainwash you into accepting kale as a substitute for brisket. Now he’s ‘battling cancer’? More like he’s been recruited for a fake illness narrative to make you feel sorry for the tofu-pushers.

And that ‘simple, recognizable format’—white text on a plain blue background. Sounds familiar? It’s the same aesthetic as every government warning label ever. They’re not informing you; they’re programming you. While you’re busy tearing up over his ‘brave fight,’ they’re rolling out the next phase: replacing live music with mindfulness seminars where they whisper subliminal messages about giving up your guns.

He says he has a ‘strong team in place.’ Oh, I bet he does. A team of shadowy operatives ensuring the narrative stays on track. ‘Business as usual’? More like business as unusual for the elites who want you docile and distracted. Don’t fall for the emotional manipulation. Wake up, Austin! This isn’t about cancer; it’s about control. They’re using a ‘health crisis’ to hide their real goal: turning our beloved barbecue capital into a soy-based dystopia. Stay vigilant, and for goodness sake, check your sources—preferably ones that aren’t funded by big kale.