opinion
Deep State Deluge: How Globalist Weather Weapons Wiped Out Texas Tradition
A satirical take on the flood that destroyed a Texas wedding venue, exposing the 'real' deep state conspiracy behind it all.

By Alex Jaxon
Published February 11, 2026 at 4:06pm

Folks, what they’re not telling you about this so-called ‘flood’ in Ingram is that it’s just another chapter in the deep state’s war on tradition. Dan Schoen’s wedding venue, Paradise River Bend, wiped out? More like Paradise River BEND THE TRUTH. I’ve been saying for years that the globalists want to destroy anything that represents real American values—like marriage, family, and barbecues by the river. Now they’re using weather manipulation technology to do it!
Think about it: a flood that rises 20 feet in 15 minutes? That’s not natural, people! That’s HAARP or some other geoengineering nonsense cooked up by the elites to push their agenda. They want us all living in concrete boxes eating lab-grown meat, not celebrating love under the stars. Schoen’s pavilion is gone, but mark my words, this is a targeted attack. Why else would it hit a place that hosted baptisms and family gatherings? Coincidence? I think not.
And don’t even get me started on the ‘mainstream media’ coverage. They’re painting Schoen as some kind of hero, but they’re missing the bigger picture. He’s a distraction! While he’s out there ‘helping victims,’ the real perpetrators are laughing in their underground bunkers. They’ve probably already zoned the area for a new tofu factory or a woke retreat center. Wake up, Texas! Your rivers are being weaponized against you.
Schoen’s son still wants to get married there? Good for him—defiance in the face of tyranny! But I bet the deep state will find a way to shut that down too. They can’t stand seeing happiness that doesn’t involve submitting to their agenda. Remember, folks: when they control the weather, they control everything. Stay vigilant, stock up on ammo, and keep your eyes on the sky. This flood was no act of God—it was an act of man, and not the good kind.
