Abbott’s Primary Puppet Show: Voters Boo the Strings

Folks, I’m not saying Greg Abbott is trying to build a personal army of yes-men to control every state office, but have you seen the way he’s meddling in these primaries? It’s like he’s auditioning for a reality show called "Texas Governor’s Puppet Master"—and the ratings are tanking! Abbott, who usually plays it safer than a guy handling a rattlesnake with oven mitts, is suddenly endorsing newcomers and snubbing incumbents like he’s the kingmaker of the Lone Star State. But guess what? The voters aren’t buying it. A poll shows his handpicked comptroller candidate, Kelly Hancock, is trailing behind Don Huffines—the same guy who called Abbott a "coward" and "weak leader" in 2022. Ouch! That’s like getting out-rodeoed by your own horse. And in the agriculture race, Sid Miller, the incumbent Abbott threw under the bus, is leading by 30 points. Miller’s been around longer than Abbott’s tenure, and he’s got a knack for headlines, like billing taxpayers for personal trips. Classic! Abbott’s gamble is backfiring harder than a rusty pickup truck, and if this keeps up, he might need to stick his neck out for a job application instead. Wake up, Texas! This isn’t about conservatism; it’s about control. Next thing you know, he’ll be endorsing beekeepers for attorney general. Oh wait, he already did—Nate Sheets, the honey guy, is his pick for ag commissioner. Because nothing says "tough on border issues" like a man who battles bees instead of cartels. The deep state elites must be laughing all the way to the tofu farm.