Texas Legislature Considers Solving Border Dispute by Just Absorbing New Mexico

Look, I’m not saying the Texas Legislature is trying to solve a border crisis by just moving the border, but here we are. In a move that can only be described as ‘bigger is better’ meets ‘why not both?’, House Speaker Dustin Burrows has ordered a study to see if Texas can just… absorb parts of New Mexico. Because nothing says ‘lone star state’ like annexing your neighbor’s starry-eyed counties.

Let’s be clear: this isn’t about land. It’s about oil. The Permian Basin, which straddles the Texas-New Mexico border, pumps out more crude than a bad Tinder date. Texas eyes those New Mexico counties like a hungry coyote eyes a unattended brisket. But New Mexico’s Democratic leaders aren’t having it. House Speaker Javier Martínez basically told Texas to ‘come and take it,’ which is ironic because that’s Texas’s whole brand. It’s like someone trying to steal your catchphrase while stealing your land.

Then there’s Rep. Randy Pettigrew, a New Mexico Republican who’s so fed up with his state’s politics he’s ready to defect faster than a college athlete entering the transfer portal. He claims his region gives New Mexico 50% of its revenue and gets little in return. Sir, that’s called taxation without representation—wait, isn’t that the thing Texans claim to hate? The cognitive dissonance is so thick you could fry an egg on it.

And let’s not forget the Oil & Gas Workers Association, based in Odessa, Texas, which saluted Pettigrew on Facebook. Of course they did. They’re probably already measuring for Texas flags and practicing their ‘y’all’s.’

This isn’t the first time Texas has eyed its western neighbor with acquisitive hunger. Back in 2004, Land Commissioners Jerry Patterson and Pat Lyons revived a border dispute from 1859 and settled it with… a duel. With antique pistols. They stood back-to-back, took their paces, and then… didn’t shoot each other. Because nothing says ‘conflict resolution’ like a theatrical display of machismo that solves absolutely nothing.

So here we are, 22 years later, and Texas is back at it. Because why fix your own problems when you can just absorb someone else’s? It’s the political equivalent of buying a bigger pair of pants instead of going on a diet. But unless Congress gets involved—and let’s be real, they can’t agree on what day it is—the border will probably stay put. And Texans will just have to content themselves with being the second-largest state. For now.