Gas Prices Hit New Highs: Capitalism's Latest Plot to Keep Us Broke and Angry

Another week, another reason to scream into the void about how capitalism is literally driving us to the poorhouse—one gallon at a time. Gas prices are now hovering around $3.89 in Austin, which is basically the cost of a decent six-pack of craft beer, but instead of getting you buzzed, it gets you to your soul-crushing job. Last year, it was $2.77. Remember those days? When you could afford to drive to a protest without taking out a second mortgage? Yeah, me neither.

So why the spike? Apparently, some geopolitical nonsense in the Strait of Hormuz is to blame. That’s the spot where 21 million barrels of oil flow daily, and it’s causing traders to wet their pants and jack up prices. Because nothing says "stable global economy" like a narrow waterway dictating whether you can afford to visit your grandma this weekend.

But here’s the kicker: The U.S. produces more oil than anyone else, yet we’re still at the mercy of these international panic attacks. It’s like being the biggest kid on the playground but letting some bully named "Global Markets" steal your lunch money every day. And oil companies? They’re just innocent bystanders, apparently—not setting prices, just "facilitating" the robbery. Sure, Jan.

Meanwhile, in Austin, we’re paying through the nose while gentrification pushes punk houses further into the suburbs, making that gas bill even more painful. Maybe it’s time to ditch the car, hop on a bike, or—better yet—start a mosh pit–powered vehicle. At least that would be sustainable and piss off the suits. Until then, keep those gas cans full and your middle fingers higher.