Christ, where do I even start with this one? It seems our boy Cristian Fajardo Mondragon, local 17-year-old troublemaker extraordinaire, has found himself in a bit of a pickle. After a wild 24-hour crime spree straight out of a shitty action flick, the Austin cops finally caught up with him. Shot four people, jacked five rides, and took some potshots at fire stations and houses - real class act, this kid.
But wait, there's more! Apparently breaking the law wasn't enough, 'cause now Mondragon's facing a whole slew of new charges. Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon... deadly conduct with a discharged firearm... aggravated assault with a discharged firearm... it's like this kid's lawyer is getting paid by the felony. Oh, and let's not forget the grand theft auto and firearm theft charges - can't leave those out!
It's like they say, everything's bigger in Texas. The hats, the steaks, and apparently the rap sheets. And the best part of all this? The kid's being held without bond 'cause even the judge knows exactly what he'll do if he steps foot outside the clink.
But hey, we can't be too mad. Without knuckleheads like this stealing cars and popping off rounds in the suburbs, Travis County would be out of a job. So here's to you, Cristian, for doing your part to keep the wheels of justice turning!
-Merrick "Renegade" Cruz, still working on those zines but taking time out of their busy schedule fighting the man to bring you the news.