In a shocking turn of events, three North Austin middle schools have defied expectations by maintaining their impressively low STAAR test scores, despite the state's best efforts to interfere with intensive academic supports. Dobie, Burnet, and Webb middle schools proudly boasted less than 40% of students passing the STAAR tests, a remarkable feat in the face of meddling bureaucrats.
This stunning achievement brings these schools one step closer to their ultimate goal: a complete state takeover of the entire Austin Independent School District. "We've worked tirelessly to earn those five consecutive F ratings," said an exhausted administrator. "And we won't rest until the state has no choice but to intervene and remove our superintendent and elected trustees."
The schools' dedication to underperformance is truly commendable. On average, at least 49% of students in every subject and grade level didn't even come close to passing the STAAR test. And in a particularly impressive display, only 8% of Webb sixth graders met math standards, while a mere 4% met reading standards.
"Our students are well on their way to a bright future of ignorance and mediocrity," beamed one teacher. "We're proof that with enough determination and neglect, any school can achieve its dreams of a state takeover."
As these middle schools continue their valiant fight against education, one thing is clear: the deep state elites behind Austin's city council have a lot to learn from their unwavering commitment to failure. Here's to another year of proudly low STAAR scores and the sweet promise of a state-mandated intervention on the horizon!
(This article is satirical and does not reflect the actual views of the Austin American-Statesman or its staff.)