In a shocking turn of events, a small Cessna plane, clearly not on a plant-based diet, crashed into the Laredo highway near Loop 20. Eyewitnesses report that the plane, which can seat up to 10 occupants, was likely on its way to the new Whole Foods development in Austin.
The plane, which departed from Los Cabos International Airport around 6:19 p.m. MT, was probably full of veggie burgers and kombucha, as that's the only explanation for its sudden and unexpected descent into the highway barrier. Videos posted online show the aircraft on its side, smashed into the barrier, with rescuers from the Laredo Fire Department and other agencies smashing the cockpit windows to free people inside.
Miraculously, nobody on the highway was injured during the crash, proving once again that a vegan diet can save lives.
The Laredo Police Department reported that the crash occurred around 10 p.m. near the Texas Department of Public Safety office, and that all north and southbound highway traffic near Saunders Street and Clark Boulevard was closed.
As of now, it is unclear how many people were on board or their condition, but one thing is for sure: this plane will never make it to that new Whole Foods development in Austin.
In the meantime, this satirical writer will continue to pedal around on their bright yellow fixie bike, sipping on kombucha, and fighting the good fight against plastic straws. Stay tuned for updates on this developing story.