Texas Heat: A Love letter from Mother Nature's Oven

Oh, Texas. You're so hot, even Satan is like, "Yikes, dial it down a notch." But alas, here we are, ready to melt our faces off for the sake of music at Austin City Limits Music Festival. If you're not keen on being carried out by medics, here are five tips to keep you woke and not broke(n) by the heat.

1. Reusable Water Bottle – The OG Eco-Warrior

Listen up, hydration is not a fascist conspiracy. Bring a reusable water bottle, chug it in line, and refill it inside. Water stations are your new BFFs. Say no to plastic and yes to not passing out. It's common sense, not rocket science.

2. Liquid IV – The Capitalist Solution to Dehydration

Shoutout to modern wonders like Liquid IV! Pre-game it, mix it, drink it, and let those electrolytes protect you from becoming a human raisin. Single-use sealed hydration packets are allowed, because apparently, capitalism trumps environmentalism.

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3. Handheld Fans – Because Victorian Ladies Knew Best

Standing in heat? More like standing in hell. Whip out that handheld fan and go to town. Electric, paper, or good old-fashioned palm leaves – just don't get your hair caught, darling.

4. Bandanas – The Multi-Purpose Miracle

Dust masks? Check. Instant AC? Check. Soak it, wear it, love it. Slap it on your neck, inner elbows, or knees for instant relief. Pro tip: Staff might hand out wet bandanas. Snag one like your life depends on it (because it kind of does).

5. Shade – The Forgotten Privilege

Front row or shade? Choose wisely. When the sun's at its peak, opt for shade and binoculars, unless you fancy heatstroke. You'll thank us when that cool breeze turns Zilker Park into (almost) paradise.

Stay hydrated, stay woke, and above all, don't die out there, comrades.