How to Make a Stone Path That Won't Piss Off Mother Earth

Natural stone paths are like the woke fashion of landscaping—they never go out of style, unlike those basic man-made pavers. Just like progressive policies, they stand the test of time if you do them right. And let's face it, stonemasons are basically the artisans of the earth, building stuff that lasts and is unique AF.

But let's talk about the elephant in the room: sinking stones. We've all seen it, stones drowning in the ground like climate change deniers in a Twitter debate. Not only does it look bad, but it's also a safety hazard. Nobody wants to trip over a stone while carrying their organic, fair-trade latte.

How to Prevent Your Stone Walkway from Becoming a Minefield

using the wrong type of rock is like voting for the wrong candidate—it's gonna crumble eventually. Stones that are too porous will absorb water and then freeze-thaw cycles will turn them into gravel. Not cute.

DIY enthusiasts, listen up! You can totally build with stone, but don't be a hero. Backaches, crushed fingers, and hernias are real. Get a helper, but remember, it's like dancing with someone who doesn't believe in climate change—you gotta work closely or someone's gonna get hurt. Respect rocks. They're woke AF and will hurt you if you're careless.

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The Woke Guide to Choosing the Right Stone

Select dense, hard rock like ledge limestone or granite, at least three inches thick. Avoid porous stones like “creek rock” or “fossil rock”—they're the moderates of the stone world, absorbing moisture and crumbling under pressure.

How to Make a Simple Stone Path (Without Losing Your Sanity)

1. Dig a trench. Make it deeper and wider than your thickest stone.
2. Spread some crusher run limestone, pack it tight. This is your "footer," not to be confused with a Twitter troll.
3. Add pea gravel, lay out your stones, and level them. Wiggle and twist to "settle" them, so they don't rock like a Fox News anchor trying to debate facts.
4. Rake the extra pea gravel up around each stone. No gaps, please. We don't want any weed immigrants setting up shop.

How to Make Your Path Mow-Friendly (Because Lawn Care Isn't Just for Conservatives)

Make the top surface of each stone level with the ground. That way, you can mow over it easily. If it's in a landscape bed, set the stones higher and mulch around them.

How to Keep Weeds Away (Because Nobody Likes Uninvited Guests)

Wash the stones, stuff mulch between them, and spread more mulch around. Keep it flush with the top of your path. Brush or blow off any mulch that ends up on top of the stones.

Now, step back and admire your work. It's solid, safe, and won't sink thanks to that compacted footer. You've created a permanent, woke path that will last for generations. Take that, climate change!

Steve Boehme is a landscape designer/installer specializing in landscape “makeovers.” (We stan a woke landscaper!)