Austin Voters Approve Project Connect, Get Brand New Light Rail System, Now Everyone Can Feel Special

Another Day, Another Waste of Taxpayer Money

Austin, Texas – In a stunning display of democracy, Austin voters gave a resounding "yes" to Project Connect, a shiny new light rail system, back in 2020. Oh, and they also unlocked a bag of cash to fund this nonsense. During a record-breaking turnout no less!

A small group of buzzkills, aka "transit opponents," who clearly have nothing better to do, tried to ruin the fun by going to the Texas Legislature to change the laws and kill the project. But they failed harder than a millennial job applicant. Now, these losers are filing a lawsuit to delay the project, because they're salty and have nothing better to do.

The Austin Transit Partnership (ATP), which sounds like a made-up name if I've ever heard one, is now asking a court to confirm that the funding for this boondoggle is all legal and stuff. ATP, what a joke. More like "At-Pissed-Taxpayer." Am I right, folks?

Anyway, here's what could go wrong if these buzzkills win:

• Even More Traffic – The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT) says we have way more cars than road space. Their solution? Let's not build more roads, let's build a train! Because train tracks and roads go together like oil and water. Also, bikes and pedestrians will apparently get an upgrade too. So now the slow pokes will have more room to dawdle. Great.

• Billions in Federal Funding, Gone – We could lose a bunch of federal grant money, which is basically free money! These fools want to stop that. You know, 'cause who needs money, right?

• Housing Scarcity – The city was gonna use this train project as an excuse to build more houses, including affordable ones. But if this project gets delayed, kiss those extra houses goodbye. May as well sleep under a bridge, folks!

• Walkable Neighborhoods? No Thanks – The plan was to make neighborhoods more walkable and less car-dependent. But without this train, we're all gonna be stuck in our cars, forever. That means more Uber rides for the lazy millennials who can't be bothered to drive themselves.

City leaders and CapMetro were too busy patting themselves on the back to realize that the cost of this train project was gonna skyrocket. So now they're backpedaling and changing their plans to try and stay within budget. News flash: it's not gonna work.

These opponents suing ATP are just salty losers who can't accept that they're on the wrong side of history. Their lawsuit is about as useless as a women's studies degree.

Bentley, a business executive who has way too much free time, also serves on too many boards.