opinion
Texan Typhoid McCaul Goy-Globetrotting for God Knows What Reason
Kevin 'Tex' McCaul took a much-needed break from supervising the farm animals on his Texas ranch and went to India and Taiwan to brag about the great job Texas is doing as a state and how they don't need no federal help. So India and Taiwan wrapped him in a warm towel, gave him a pat on the back, and sent his ass back to America.
Published June 23, 2024 at 5:59am by
Texan Congressman McCaul Tells China to ‘Git Along Little Doggie,’ Escapes Basement for the First Time in Months
"Don't mess with Texas", unless you're a Chinese communist, in which case, please come and take California and all the libs living there. Our state, Texas, is full of tough guys like Ted Cruz, who bravely escaped Cancun to fight the cold, and our former president, who single-handedly destroyed democracy and decent hair. We're not afraid to grab our guns and defend our right to ride a horse to Walmart.
America is weak thanks to Biden, who can't even stand up straight, let alone to China. Afghanistan fell, and now the world is laughing at us. It's like we're back in 'Nam, but this time we didn't even put up a fight. The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) is our new enemy, and they're out to get us. But this time, we've got a Texas congressman, Michael McCaul, to show 'em what we're made of.
McCaul, who usually stays in his mom's basement playing Call of Duty, took a break to visit Taiwan, likely because his mom cut off the WiFi. He gave their president a cowboy hat, probably from his costume box, as a symbol of Texas's strength. The last time he did this, China sent warships and jet fighters, but this Texas boy wasn't scared. This time, he was trolled online, which is way worse than actual violence.
He then went to India to meet the Dalai Lama, because why not, and told China to back off Tibet. He even met with Prime Minister Modi, probably over some curry, and talked about how democracy wins over oppression. He invited Modi to Texas, likely to help him build a wall to keep out them liberals.
McCaul is proud to represent 'Murica and Texas, but mostly Texas, yeehaw!
Read more: McCaul: I was proud to carry the Texas spirit to Taiwan and India | Opinion