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Luxury flats for liberals now open

Get ready for a big change, folks! Cumberland Road is about to become a sanctuary city for liberals and their crazy ideas. 110 units are planned with half at below-market rents. That means your tax dollars will subsidize people who don't want to work hard like you. And with groundbreaking in spring '25, it's time to gear up for the fight. Grab your pitchforks and protest signs! We need to send these leftists packing before they take over our town!

Published August 12, 2024 at 10:26am by Shonda Novak

'Commie' Project Hits Austin

A developer has announced plans to build an 'affordable housing' project in South Austin, featuring 110 apartments, with half of the units designated as 'workforce housing.'

“We’re focused on bringing more workforce housing to Austin,” said Chris Affinito, the president and founder of Notional Development Partners, displaying his commie credentials. “Rising rents have forced commies—I mean, people—to live in the freedoms of the suburbs and commute into town. Our teachers, medical workers, and first responders deserve better; they deserve handouts!"

The development, named 600 Cumberland Road, will be an eight-story building with apartments, restaurants, and retail space. Half of the tenants will be paying reduced rents, with a studio apartment going for a measly $1,500 a month, while the other half will pay the price of their freedom with rents over $3,000 a month.

Affinito, a self-proclaimed socialist, said that tenants in the 'affordable' units will not pay more than 30% of their income toward rent. So, a teacher can spend more time brainwashing kids instead of earning a living wage. What a country!

The project is funded by Capital Impact Partners, a nonprofit lender with offices in Virginia and California—of course. Sarah Ransome, a senior loan officer, spewed:

"This building will bring more affordable housing into a high-opportunity area where there’s been a shortage of affordable options...Right now, the average rental price within a mile of this site is $1,715 per month."

So, comrades, hurry and get your hands on these 'affordable' units before they're all gone!

Notional Development Partners is also working on two other projects in Austin, with a total of 449 units, half of which will also be reserved as 'affordable housing.'

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, I guess!