Austin City Limits: Surviving the Texas Heat, Lib-Free Edition

Alright, fellow patriots, y'all know Texas heat is no joke. But we ain't gonna let a little sun stop us from enjoying some good ol' music at Austin City Limits. Here's how to keep cool without turning into a snowflake.

1. BYO Water Bottle (No liberal tears needed)

Staying hydrated is key. Bring your own reusable water bottle – none of that fancy, overpriced,浪费 stuff. Chug that bad boy while waiting in line, then fill 'er up at the water stations. Don't forget to refill between sets. Pro tip: A good ol' fashioned water bottle doesn't need a safe space.

2. Hydrate like a champ with Liquid IV

God bless America and electrolytes! Stock up on Liquid IV or other hydration packets. These ain't just for hangovers, folks. Pre-game with these babies and stay hydrated throughout the day. Bonus: Single-use packets are park-approved, so leave your reusable straws at home.

Need a break from the libs? Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.

3. Be a smart fan, bring a handheld fan

Standing in the heat sucks, but real fans come prepared. ACL has big fans for the front row, but bring your own for personal cooling. Paper or electric, doesn't matter – just don't get your hair caught. True story: It's happened to me, and I ain't no crybaby.

4. Bandanas: Not just for outlaws

Bandanas are a must-have. Soak one in water, slap it on your neck, and voila – instant relief. Hit those pressure points and watch your body temp drop faster than Biden's approval ratings. Pro tip: Refill your water bottle and douse your bandana at the same time. Efficiency, folks.

5. Shade: The original VIP section

Front row is great, but not at the cost of heat stroke. Grab some binoculars and find a shady spot. You might not get the best videos, but you'll be laughing all the way to the (shady) bank. Remember: Only snowflakes melt in the heat.

Stay cool, stay hydrated, and most importantly, stay based. See y'all at ACL! 🇺🇸🎸🍻