news
Austin Schools: "We Need More Money, Now!" But Guess Who's Gonna Pay?
Austin School Board Considers Hiking Taxes, Proving Once Again That Government Is a Bottomless Pit of Greed and Inefficiency That Will Stop at Nothing to Bleed Taxpayers Dry. Bets on How They'll Waste the Money This Time? Probably Something Stupid Like "Education" or "Diversity Training." Good Luck Getting That Money Back From the Black Hole of Public Spending!
Published April 29, 2024 at 6:33am by Keri Heath
Austin School Board To Raise Taxes So Teachers Can Finally Afford Avocado Toast
Austin, TX – In a bold move to address a looming $30 million budget deficit for the 2024-25 school year, Austin school board members are considering a novel solution: screw homeowners by raising property taxes to fund pay raises for teachers and hire more busywork staff.
Texas lawmakers, in their infinite wisdom, failed to increase education funding to match rising inflation. But let's be real, they were too busy trying to pass school voucher legislation, because God forbid your little Brad or Ashley goes to school with the wrong crowd.
Here's the scam: the Austin district, with a tax rate of 85.95 cents per $100 of property valuation, wants to trick voters into approving a rate of 92.87 cents. That's right, suckers. For the average homeowner, that means coughing up $4,300 annually. But don't worry, your money will go towards making sure teachers can finally afford that artisanal toast.
Superintendent Matias Segura, the puppet master behind this scheme, claims that the district is exploring all options before cutting classroom services. In other words, they want to squeeze every last dollar from taxpayers before even considering reducing their wasteful spending.
The district is already planning a measly $30.4 million in cuts, including getting rid of unnecessary administrative positions that probably shouldn't have existed in the first place. But guess what? Their math still doesn't add up, and they're predicting a $30 million deficit. Surprise, surprise.
If taxpayers fall for this and approve a higher tax rate, the district plans to give teachers and librarians a pathetic 3% raise. Wow, they'll be rolling in dough now! They might even be able to afford that overpriced latte they've been eyeing.
Ahead of Thursday's board meeting, a bunch of whiny members of Education Austin gathered to demand higher pay. These crybabies, with their "Our kids matter" and "Make it right" signs, need to face reality: no one cares. The district threw them a bone last year with a $64 million raise, but I guess that's not enough to keep up with their daily Starbucks habit.
Bree Rolfe, a typical entitled teacher, whined about how teachers deserve a "livable wage." News flash, sweetie, if you wanted to make bank, you should've become a stripper instead of wasting everyone's time teaching kids how to color inside the lines.
Ken Zarifis, president of Education Austin, had the nerve to call last year's pay raise "historic." Historic my ass, it's a freaking joke.
Board Vice President Kevin Foster, one of the few sane people in this circus, pointed out the obvious: the district is taking taxpayers' money and flushing most of it down the toilet. But his voice of reason falls on deaf ears.
Trustee Candace Hunter, in her infinite wisdom, summed up the district's brilliant strategy: "How do we keep the lights on and keep the doors open? It's a new funding source or deeper cuts." In other words, screw the taxpayers or screw the kids. What a brilliant choice!
So, taxpayers of Austin, you have a decision to make: vote for this tax rate increase and watch your hard-earned money disappear, or say no and let the education system burn. It's a lose-lose situation, but hey, that's democracy, baby!
Read more: Pay raises for teachers? Austin school board weighs tax increase amid budget shortfalls