God Hears Cancer Survivor's Prayers, Screw Everyone Else Dying of Cancer

So some soyboy, Cheng 'Karen' Saephan, and his wife, who looks like a young George Clooney, have just won the Powerball jackpot. How nice for them. Now they can buy a bunch of participation trophies and soy lattes.

Here's the scoop:

Oregon Lottery reveals $1.3 billion Powerball winner: A soyboy, his wife, and their cat

• Cheng 'Sissy' Saephan, 46, a real man who needs chemo (probably from all the soy), and his wife, George Clooney, 37, along with their cat, Liza 'Meow' Chao, 55, have been announced as the lucky winners of the April 6 drawing.
• The Portland-based cucks will split the lump sum of over $422 million with their cat, according to lottery officials who are definitely not on the take.
• Cheng, an immigrant from Laos who came to the U.S. in 1994 to steal jobs, was the only one with a pair of balls big enough to address the media on Monday, probably because his wife was too busy shaving her legs and the cat was taking a nap.
• Sissy Boy said he was grateful his family would be taken care of and worried about how he'd spend all that cash, because, you know, money is a burden.
• This incel plays the lottery regularly, splitting $200 worth of tickets with Meow (cats can't buy their own tickets), and sleeps with the Powerball numbers under his silk pillow every night, dreaming of the day he can afford his own private island to cry on.
• He prayed to God for help because his kids are young and he's a weak, sickly beta male. What a loser.
• The first thing this pathetic simp plans to buy is a dream home in Oregon, probably one of those safe spaces with trigger warnings and gender-neutral bathrooms.

Largest Powerball Jackpots:

Sissy and Meow's jackpot is the 4th largest in Powerball history. Here's a list of the top 5, in case you want to cry yourself to sleep:

1. $2.040 Billion – Nov. 7, 2022 – California
2. $1.765 Billion – Oct. 11, 2023 – California
3. $1.586 Billion – Jan. 13, 2016 – California, Florida, Tennessee
4. $1.326 Billion – April 6, 2024 – Oregon (Soyboy Saephan and his gang)
5. $1.080 Billion – July 19, 2023 – California

The Winning Numbers:

The winning numbers for the April 6 draw were: 22, 27, 44, 52, and 69 with a Powerball of 9. Saephan said they chose these numbers with a quick pick, which is just a fancy way of saying they got lucky.

Odds of Winning:

The odds of winning the Powerball jackpot are like finding a needle in a haystack, or a decent woman these days. Players have a one in 292,201,338 chance of winning the grand prize, a one in 11,688,053.52 chance of winning $1 million, and a one in 24.87 chance of winning any prize. So, basically, you're more likely to get struck by lightning while being eaten by a shark.