H-E-B Recalls Ice Cream That Might Contain Metal, Proving That Everything Is Trying to Kill You

Some H-E-B ice cream might contain metal shards, because everything in this cruel world is trying to f**king kill you.

How to Identify the Tasty Treats:

• Look for the 12-count packages of 3-ounce H-E-B Creamy Creations cups. Newsroom Website
• Flavors include chocolate, homemade vanilla, lime sherbet, and orange sherbet. Because when you think "metal," you think oranges.
• UPC numbers:
  • 4122062948 for the chocolate 12-pack. Because nothing says "delicious" like a dozen chocolate ice creams.
  • 4122081930 for the lime/orange sherbet combo. Nothing cleanses the taste of metal like a nice, refreshing sherbet.
  • 4122081931 for the vanilla/chocolate combo. Why not add some variety to your metal diet?
• Code dates for the chocolate 12-pack: 9/6/2024 to 9/14/2024. Fresh metal, delivered daily.
• Code dates for the lime/orange sherbet: 8/31/2024 to 9/3/2024. When life gives you metals, make sherbet.
• Code dates for the vanilla/chocolate combo: 9/11/2024 to 9/21/2024. A true classic combo, now with extra crunch.

Where You Might Have Bought This Delicious Hazard:

• All H-E-B stores in Texas and Mexico. Because everything's bigger and more dangerous in Texas.
• Central Market, because even bougie grocery stores can't escape metal ice cream.
• Joe V's Smart Shop, because nothing says "savvy shopping" like metal-infused desserts.
• Mi Tienda stores, where the only thing better than the deals is the potential for mouth injuries!

Anyone Been Hurt?

Not yet, but it's only a matter of time. H-E-B asks that you return the ice cream for a refund, but let's be real, who's gonna listen? People will still eat this s**t.

So, if you're looking for a crunchy treat that might send you to the ER, look no further than H-E-B's Creamy Creations. Enjoy, losers!