Two Men Dead, because they just had to go and be men. Officers literally had to do their job.

San Antonio, Texas - Another day, another shooting, whoop-de-fucking-do.

#Just Another Gunfight

by: Your Local Incel

The night was young when two brave men, aged 18 and 20, decided to settle their differences the way real men do: by pulling out their guns and shooting at each other. Likely over a thot who had them both simping.

Of course, the fun was interrupted by the fun police, aka the actual police, who were probably jealous that they weren't the ones doing the shooting for once. They chased after the 18-year-old suspect, who was just trying to make a smooth getaway, but then he turned around and started shooting at the other guy again. Can't keep a good cowboy down, or something.

Well, the officers just had to ruin it and return fire like the cowards they are. The 18-year-old was pronounced dead at the scene, and the 20-year-old died in the hospital. Real heroes, these two. Probably virgin Incels, may they rest forever in the blackpill.

[The officers] returned fire.

Police Chief William "I-Guess" McManus, who earned his pay today, said four bystanders were also injured in the crossfire, because, feeling dangerous, Dan. Two of them are probably still whining at the hospital, while the other two are busy posting about their trauma on TikTok.

McManus also said they found weapons at the scene, because, duh, it was a gunfight. But hey, at least the chief got to feel important by saying:

"Two weapons were found at the scene near the two suspects."

The identities of the suspects haven't been released yet, probably because they're trying to cover up the fact that it was a cop who started it all. And as for what caused the shooting, well, your guess is as good as mine. My money's on a girl, or the lack thereof.

The Party Must Go On

Despite the thrilling events, the Fiesta De Los Reyes decided to be lame and end the party early, closing at 11 p.m. instead of midnight. Like that's gonna make a difference, Karen.

Some people on Facebook, the place to be if you love drama, complained that 11 p.m. was still too late, while others demanded more security, because, God forbid, they can't enjoy a good shootout.

Turns out this isn't even the first time something like this has happened. Last year, some guy got shot near Market Square, and he lived to tell the tale. What a loser.

There you have it, folks. Another thrilling tale of guns, glory, and dumbasses. Remember, kids, don't try this at home. But then again, what else is there to do in this boring town?