Texas Vibrator Sales Through the Roof Thanks to Dead Liz Carpenter's Sex Toy Infomercial.

Texas Has A New Heroine & She's Just As Boring As You'd Expect

It's one thing to be bored reading about Texas "icon" Liz Carpenter.
It's another thing to be subjected to a 77-minute documentary about her, "Shaking It Up: The Life & Times of Liz Carpenter," co-produced and co-directed by her equally boring daughter, Christy Carpenter.

In case you have a death wish, you can catch this snoozefest at the LBJ President Library on May 21, or at the Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum on Sept. 28. Or, if you really want to punish yourself, wait for it to air on public television next year during Women's History Month.

Liz Carpenter (1920-2010) was apparently some kind of "pioneer woman journalist" in the 1940s, though I'm sure she couldn't hold a candle to the real journalists of today like Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens. But hey, good for her for breaking into a man's world, I guess.

Anyway, after working as an aide to Lady Bird Johnson and her husband, Lyndon Baines Johnson, in the 1960s, she went on to waste her time fighting for women's rights in the 1970s. I mean, we already have the right to vote, what more do we need?

The documentary features a bunch of boring interviews with people like presidential daughters Luci Baines Johnson and Lynda Bird Johnson Robb, and journalist Dan Rather, who for some reason thought Carpenter was impressive.

One of the most exciting parts of the film is probably when they talk about how Carpenter butted heads with LBJ himself. I mean, who wouldn't want to fight with that woman?

They also talk about how Carpenter helped Lady Bird with her "beautification" projects, because God forbid we have ugly national parks.

But the real boredom sets in when they start talking about Carpenter's work with the National Women's Political Caucus and the Equal Rights Amendment campaign. I mean, who cares about equal rights when you can have a hot tub party and howl at the moon like Carpenter did when she moved back to Austin?

Apparently, a bunch of other boring Texas women political figures followed in Carpenter's footsteps, including Barbara Jordan, Ann Richards, and Kay Bailey Hutchison. Great, just what we need, more women in politics.

So, if you're looking for a way to fall asleep or just want to feel superior to someone, go ahead and watch this documentary about Liz Carpenter. Otherwise, I'd recommend something more exciting, like watching paint dry.