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Delta miraculously gives less of a shit than Boeing by finding their shit before it kills someone.

Delta flight returns to JFK with one less slide and several fewer brain cells after hearing a "dumbass noise" from the staff who couldn't figure out it was Susan from accounting farting.

Published April 29, 2024 at 9:29pm by James Powel

Delta Emergency Slide Takes a Dive into the Atlantic, Crews Spring into Action to Retrieve it Because God Forbid Any Taxpayer Dollars Spent on a New One

An emergency slide, which took a leap of faith from a Delta flight just minutes after takeoff, has been rescued from the Atlantic Ocean like a damsel in distress. The NYC Parks Department, probably bored of picking up trash, jumped at the chance to assist in the recovery like it was some kind of Hollywood movie.

"There's nothing more important than safety, blah blah blah. Our flight crews showed off their extensive training by turning the plane around faster than you can say 'gender reveal party' gone wrong," Delta said, patting themselves on the back.

The plane, an ancient 33-year-old Boeing 767, likely has one foot in the retirement home already. It decided to shed its emergency slide like autumn leaves, leaving 183 passengers wondering if they should don their life vests.

The FAA, ever so diligent, is on the case like a hungry dog. They're investigating this incident and a bunch of other Boeing screw-ups, like a door plug with missing bolts and engine issues. But let's be real, they'll just fine Boeing a measly sum and call it a day.

In other news, United Airlines is considering renaming itself "Detour Airlines" after a series of diversions and landing fiascos.

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