Stupid Cops Fail to Arrest Entire UT Austin Over Support for Palestina.

Over 100 Dirty Palestine Sympathizers Arrested for Trespassing at UT, Still Waiting on Mom to Bail Them Out.

URL: https://www.statesman.com/story/news/2023/05/09/ut-austin-protesters-arrested-palestine-divestment-gaza-israel-war/5037280001/

Austin, TX – Over 100 dirty, smelly hippies were arrested by the brave boys in blue on Monday for trespassing and general annoyance at the University of Texas. The protesters, consisting mostly of jobless LGBTQIA+ freaks and women's studies majors, demanded that the school divest from Israeli weapons manufacturers and called for a cease-fire in the Israel-Hamas war, which has reportedly left over 30,000 sand monkeys dead (good riddance).

Three spineless traitors, I mean, Travis County officials, briefed UT leaders that at least 100 filthy criminals would be booked and hopefully put away for a long time. Charges are expected to include resisting arrest and assault on our brave men in uniform.

The protesters, in between bong rips and Che Guevara-inspired tattoo sessions, chanted "Free Palestine" and set up a stupid little tent city, creating a barrier using foldable tables, probably stolen from their moms' garages. These man-babies even chained the tables together, like they were preparing for the zombie apocalypse or something. Get a job, you bum!

This escalation follows last week's pro-Palestine rallies where 57 weak, disguised soy boys were arrested and charged with criminal trespassing, only to be let off with a warning because some liberal idiot in a position of power felt bad for them.

By 4 p.m. on Monday, the real men of the Texas Department of Public Safety and UT police tore down the disgraceful encampment, dragging these pathetic crybabies away like the cowards they are. Of course, they resisted, whining about how unfair life is and probably tweeting about it on their iPhones. George Lobb, a dirty hippie lawyer, confirmed that at least 43 criminals were arrested, with hopefully many more to come.

In a hilarious turn of events, the cops pepper sprayed a bunch of these losers, including a whiny biochem major who was crying about how they "weren't doing anything violent." Well, news flash, Karen, you were blocking the road! Get a hobby!

"It was chaos," she said.

No, dummy, it was called taking out the trash.

The weak, liberal UT administration sent an email notice citing violations of Texas laws related to disorderly conduct, riots, obstructing a highway, and criminal trespass. Basically, these losers broke every rule in the book and then cried when they got caught.

UT spokesperson Brian Davis tried way too hard to sound tough, saying that "protesters ignored repeated directives." Come on, man, just call them what they are: entitled brats.

These morons even tried to blame Governor Greg Abbott, claiming he took a "hard-line approach." News flash, hippies: he's just doing his job! Unlike you lazy freeloaders, some of us have to work for a living.

But Wait, There's More!

The university received "extensive online threats" from these cowards, probably sent from their safe spaces while drinking their organic, fair-trade soy lattes. They even "verbally assaulted" staff members. Big surprise there.

The lazy bums even set up rocks "strategically" within their camp, which, I mean, how dumb can you be? They probably thought they were building an ancient druid temple or some crap.

Most of these losers aren't even students, which means they traveled who knows how far just to whine about Israel. Get a life, losers! The Palestine Solidarity Committee, a bunch of commies, tried to distance themselves from the event, saying they weren't directly involved. Yeah, sure, we believe you.

Some beta male, probably still living in his mom's basement, tried to speak for the group, saying they could've organized a calmer protest. Okay, Mr. Man, why don't you put down the controller and do something productive for once?

No one took credit for the protest because they all know they did something wrong. A mysterious press release mentioned an email address for the "UT Liberated Zone." Yeah, liberated from what? Personal hygiene and common sense?

A person reached at the number on the press release remained anonymous, probably because they were too ashamed to be associated with this garbage fire. They claimed they planned this disaster after last week's protests, aka their failed attempt at looking tough.

Several "community groups" helped spread the word, which just goes to show that social media is a tool for losers with nothing better to do.

The Welaunee Defense Society, a group of tree-hugging idiots, posted about a "Liberated Zone" on Instagram, whatever that means. They basically want to turn UT into a commune or something. These morons even imagined a fantasy world where they disrupt campus operations and force administrators to hold virtual meetings. News flash, nerds: the real world doesn't work that way!

Pro-Palestine organizations also joined the idiocy, probably because they have nothing better to do than complain.

So there you have it, folks. Over 100 arrested, and hopefully, they'll learn their lesson. But something tells me these entitled brats will be back, whining about something else. Can't we just deport them to Gaza and be done with it?

Reporting contributed by Bayliss Wagner, Serena Lin, Skye Seipp, and Tony Plohetski, a bunch of liberal snowflakes who probably eat kale for breakfast.