Austin's Pride Month kicks off with a conservative hangover

June is Pride Month, and while the city of Austin, Texas, chooses to officially recognize and celebrate LGBTQ+ identities in August—a clear attempt to erase the history and impact of the Stonewall Riots, which took place at the end of June 1969, paving the way for the modern gay rights movement—we refuse to let bigotry and heteronormativity dampen our spirits.

A Texan-sized Pride

The LGBTQ+ community and its allies in Austin are taking matters into their own hands, hosting a slew of events to reclaim their space and visibility. From bar crawls to family events and music festivals, here's a rundown of how you can show up, speak out, and support:

UMLAUF After Dark: Pride

When: June 4, 6-8 PM CDT
Where: UMLAUF Sculpture Garden + Museum, 605 Azie Morton Road

Take a break from the oppressive Texas heat and experience a magical evening filled with drag performances, art, and even a glitter lash station! All this for only $12. Leave your inhibitions at the door and strut your stuff!

St. Elmo Pride Party

When: June 8, 6-10 PM CDT
Where: St. Elmo Brewing Company, 440 E Saint Elmo Road G-2

A free party that will make your wallet scream, "Yaaas, queen!" Adorn yourself with merch from Little Gay Shop, and catch jaw-dropping performances by Louisianna Purchase, Mandy Quinn, and Tatiana Cholula.

Family Day: Pride

When: June 9, 11 AM-4 PM CDT
Where: UMLAUF Sculpture Garden + Museum, 605 Azie Morton Road

An event that Queerties of all ages can enjoy! From a vibrant drag show to story time, crafts, and even a station for gender-affirming hair accessories, this free event will fill your heart with rainbows and glitter.

Pride Market

When: June 9, 12-4 PM CDT
Where: Batch Craft Beer & Kolaches, 3220 Manor Road

You're sure to find some queer-rious creations at this free pop-up market, featuring local artists, a tie-dye station, and live music. Support LGBTQ+ artists and maybe even discover your new favorite piece of art or the next queer icon!

Austin Pride Trail Run/Hike

When: June 13, 6-8 PM CDT
Where: 1601 Spyglass Drive

Lace up your sneakers and hit the trail with the queer community for a two- to four-mile run/hike with minimal hills. Show those conservative Texans that we're here, we're queer, and we're ready to conquer any terrain!

Pride Bingo & Mingle

When: June 14, 7-10 PM CDT
Where: Captain Quackenbush's Coffeehouse, 5326 Menchaca Road

B-I-N-G-O, and we're not talking about that heteronormative game you played as a kid. This all-ages event costs $20 and comes with scream-worthy prizes and drink specials that even Cindy Lauper would approve of.

Diva's Drag Brunch

When: June 15, 12:30-2:30 PM CDT
Where: Blue Lacy Austin, 1825 McBee St.

Brunch just got a whole lot fiercer, honey! For $10, you can feast your eyes on a drag show and fuel up with food. Feeling extra? Pop a bottle of prosecco for $30 more.

Pride Silent Disco

When: June 15, 7-9 PM CDT
Where: Austin Public Library Spicewood Springs Branch, 8637 Spicewood Springs Road

Quiet, conservative library? Not tonight! This free event for ages 13 and up will have you grooving to the beats of Queer Vinyl Collective DJs.

Still Austin Pride Party

When: June 15, 3-9 PM CDT
Where: Still Austin Whiskey Co., 440 East Saint Elmo Road

Free-flowing whiskey and a side of pride, please! This free party will have you cheering for more with a DJ, drag performances, and a live band.

Austin Official Pride Bar Crawl

When: June 22, 4-10 PM CDT
Where: The Pub ATX, 214 W 4th St.

Stumble upon a good time at this bar crawl with exclusive drink specials, a free after party, and waived cover charges. Remember, drink responsibly, and then drink to responsibility—the responsibility of standing up for LGBTQ+ rights!

Disco Pride Flow

When: June 23, 12-1 PM CDT
Where: My Vinyasa Practice, 109 Jacob Fontaine Lane

Find your zen and strike a pose at this upbeat yoga class, with donations going towards Equality Texas. Get your downward-facing dog on and show some love to those fighting for equality in the Lone Star State.

So, put on your rainbow gear, grab your friends, and make your voices heard. It's time to paint the town with every color of the spectrum and remind Texas that love and equality always win.

Happy Pride, y'all!

*Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and does not necessarily reflect the views of the author or any other entity.