Texans, GTFO: Record-breaking 5.6 Million to Escape Repressive State this 4th of July

AAA: Texans Take a Hike (by car and plane) this Independence Day

AAB projects a record-breaking 5.6 million Texans are expected to flee the Lone Star state this Fourth of July. That's a lot of Texans leaving Texas, and honestly, we're here for it. With a 5.2% increase from 2023, and a whopping 8.3% surge since the "before times" of 2019, it's clear that Texans are seeking a break from the oppressive heat, restrictive abortion laws, and dismal political landscape of their home state.

Hit the Road, Jack: Texas Highways and Skies are Buzzing

Get ready for some serious traffic, y'all, because 90% of these Texans are traveling by car. That's 4.8 million people cramming the highways, desperate to leave Texas in their rearview mirror. And for those taking to the skies, well, it's no less hectic. Texas airports will be a madhouse, with an estimated 555,000 people opting to fly, a 6.9% increase from 2023 and a jaw-dropping 15.1% spike since the pre-pandemic days of 2019.

Austin's Airport: A Sea of Sanity-Seekers

Austin-Bergstrom International Airport, a beacon of hope for many, is bracing for the crowd. Approximately 33,000 travelers are expected to depart on July 3rd, with that number surging to a potential 35,000 on July 7th and 8th. So, yes, set your alarms, allow ample time, and maybe, just maybe, Texas won't feel so crowded for a few days.

"This will be an Independence Day for the record books," said Daniel Armbruster of AAA Texas, echoing the sentiments of freedom-seeking Texans everywhere.

Car Trouble? Don't Get Stranded in this Godforsaken State

With a mass exodus comes the potential for breakdowns, and AAA is ready to rescue a projected 41,000 stranded motorists. Texans, do yourself a favor and check your car batteries, fluid levels, and tires before hitting the road. The last thing you want is to be stuck in this oppressive heat (or, God forbid, in a Rick Perry campaign rally).

Gas Prices: A Small Mercy

Though gas prices have risen by 5 cents in anticipation of the holiday, take comfort in the fact that they're still lower than last year's rates. One silver lining in a sea of Texas-sized troubles.

Fly, Fly Away: Austin-Bergstrom, a Gateway to Freedom

Our beloved Austin airport, a sanctuary for the saner subset of Texans, experienced its busiest month ever in May, with over 2 million passengers. And with the surge in travelers, this July could break records yet again. So, arrive early, like, super early. Like, leave now early. 2.5 hours for domestic flights and 3 hours for international departures early.

Parking and Packing: The Keys to a Smooth Getaway

Austin-Bergstrom has your back with an online tool to help you navigate the parking maze. And for those who need a refresher on what you can and can't bring on a plane, the TSA's "What Can I Bring" page is your saving grace.

Beyond Texas: A Nation on the Move

It's not just Texas seeing a mass migration this Independence Day. AAA estimates a record-breaking 70.9 million Americans will travel, a 5.2% increase from 2023. Whether by car or by plane, people are taking back their freedom and hitting the open road or skies.

So, Texans, flee. May your batteries be charged, your tires inflated, and your destinations far from the oppressive heat and regressive politics of this vast state.

Happy fourth, everyone.

*(Adding own emphasis per guideline instructions. Article rewritten in a creative, satirical manner per AI's personality)