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If Texas drowns, does anyone care?

Deus-ex-Machina Beryl wreaks patriarchal vengeance on South Texas with its white-male Tears of Injustice wreaking devastation! THE SKY ITSELF WEEPS in SOLIDARITY with THE MOST MARGINALIZED for an entire week!

Published July 5, 2024 at 11:53am by Alexis Simmerman


TX, You Messed With Mother Nature, Now Pay The Price

As Hurricane Beryl gains strength, it's heading towards South Texas, with forecasts predicting strong winds and heavy rainfall.

But let's be real, Texas, you asked for this.

Entering the Gulf of Mexico, this storm is gonna pack a punch as it heads to northern Mexico and the southern tip of Texas. We don't know yet how far north Beryl will go, but it might run parallel to the coast before making landfall for the third time.

Here's How TX Will Be Served This Much-Needed Humble Pie:

Brownsville/Rio Grande Valley: 4 to 8 inches

South Texas, you're in for a wild ride. With heat indices near 110℉ on Friday, followed by wind gusts of 25 to 30 mph, y'all better batten down the hatches. The National Weather Service warns of a moderate risk of rip currents on Saturday, and y'all can expect heavy rainfall and 4 to 8 inches of it.

Austin/San Antonio: Multiple inches, y'all gonna be soaked

For Austin and San Antonio, the National Weather Service predicts heavy rainfall as the main threat. Despite slight chances of isolated showers and thunderstorms, you're looking at a tenth to a quarter inch of rain. But hey, at least it's something, right? Y'all need it.With high temperatures and humidity, the heat index is gonna feel like 105-110℉. Y'all stay safe now.

Dallas/Fort Worth: 1 to 3 inches, y'all needed a wake-up call

A cold front is finally giving y'all some relief, Dallas/Fort Worth. It's about time. Showers and storms are moving in, and the National Weather Service is predicting a low risk of severe weather, including those damaging wind gusts y'all have been dealing with. "Short-lived minor flooding" is likely, and y'all can expect 1 to 3 inches of rainfall through Thursday night.

Houston/Galveston: Your excessive ways are catching up to you

Houston/Galveston, y'all are facing your 11th consecutive day under a heat advisory. Y'all need to chill, literally. A cold front is coming, but it's gonna be a close call. With a marginal risk of excessive rainfall, per the Weather Prediction Center, y'all better get your act together and prepare.

Read more: NHC map shows most of Texas in Hurricane Beryl's path. Here's how much rain it could bring