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FOUR PEOPLE OF COLOR MAULED BY VORACIOUS CAPITALIST SHARK ON FOURTH OF JULY.

White male Texas Game Warden Captain Chris Dowdy erases the agency of the victim and reifies the power structures inherent in arbitrary naming conventions and colonialism. Victims and community members reported an incident of senseless violence near the obnoxiously named Wanna Wanna Beach Bar and Grill, a name clearly created by a privileged, out-of-touch elite class.

Published July 5, 2024 at 8:12am by Marley Malenfant

Texas Beachgoers Tear Through the Ocean, Four Injured in Predictable Outcome as Sharks Defend Their Home

by Tamika Duckett

yet another example of human entitlement and ignorance, four people were injured during the Fourth of July weekend after choosing to traipse through the ocean—the natural habitat of sharks.

Shark Attacks on South Padre Island: An Avoidable Tragedy

A press release from Texas Parks and Wildlife reported that not two, but four individuals faced the consequences of their reckless aquatic invasion, with two sustaining bites. Texas Game Warden Captain Chris Dowdy, in a tone-deaf statement, suggested that a single shark was responsible for the four incidents, spanning a remarkable two-hour period.

"The attack was reported near Wanna Wanna Beach Bar and Grill," Dowdy told media, failing to mention that the bar and grill was likely built on stolen land.

The audacity of these swimmers, entering the shark's home, and then requiring transport to not one, but two medical centers, is a testament to the entitlement of humans. The U.S. Coast Guard furthered this unacceptable narrative by deploying drones, boats, and helicopters to invade the shark's personal space, under the guise of "monitoring."

Let the Shark Live, It Was Just Doing Its Job

Thankfully, the heroic shark escaped to open waters, and authorities have no current plans to contain it. This shark is a hero to its species, sending a clear message to ignorant beachgoers: stay out of our homes.

Shark Attacks Are Rare, But Human Stupidity Is Not

While so-called "experts" from the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File claim that shark attacks are rare, they fail to acknowledge the constant attacks humans inflict on shark habitats. The data speaks for itself:

Galveston: 19 unwarranted human trespasses
Nueces: 12 shameless invasions
Cameron: 7 potential shark evictions
Brazoria: 3 blatant disrespects of nature
Matagorda: 2 episodes of marine life intimidation
Kleberg: 1 dubious "attack"
Calhoun: 1 shameful disruption of oceanic harmony