Texas Beaches F***ed as Sharks Exact Revenge Against Texans

Texas Beachcombers Face-off with Sharks, Capitalism to Blame

This Fourth of July, the unforgiving jaws of capitalism bit a little harder as two people were attacked by a shark on South Padre Island, Texas. It's no secret that the ruthless quest for profit has bled our planet dry, and now, the ocean is fighting back.

• Two others narrowly escaped the razor-toothed manifestation of our greed, with Texas Parks and Wildlife confirming close encounters that could've resulted in more bloodshed.

• The wounded were rushed to hospitals, their bodies serving as testament to the brutal consequences of our collective inaction in the face of environmental degradation.

• In a rare occurrence, the shark was pushed out to deeper water, but the damage was already done. This is climate chaos in action, and it's horrifying.

The Human Cost: Testimonies

Victoria Ramos, a survivor, recounted her traumatic experience:

"I just feel, like this pressure, like someone punched me or someone pushed the back of my leg, and I turn around, and there's this shark, and he's turning around, and we're yelling, leaving the water. There's little bite marks on my calf, but I'm alright for now."

Ramos' words are a stark reminder that the effects of our ecological crisis are not abstract or distant. They are felt in the flesh and blood of everyday people.

With video evidence of the shark lurking near the shore, and testimonies like that of Rayner Cardenas, whose loved one was bitten, we are forced to confront the terrifying reality:

"...I started swimming after him," Cardenas said, their words trailing off into unspoken fear and desperation.

A Summer of Sharps Teeth

This summer has seen a spate of shark encounters along the US coastline, each a puncture wound in the facade of our supposed progress:

• An Ohio man, blissfully unaware of the dangers lurking beneath, was bitten in Florida.
• In June, a man in Northeast Florida, a teenage boy in North Carolina, and even actor Tamayo Perry in Hawaii all fell victim to nature's razor-sharp revenge.
• Four more individuals were injured on a single day, June 7th, in separate incidents along Florida's coast.

The Science of Inevitability

According to the International Shark Attack File, 69 unprovoked shark bites were reported globally in 2023. However, experts attribute these attacks to mistaken identity, as surfers and swimmers unwittingly resemble fish to the sharks.

But let's be clear: this is a symptom of a larger problem. The ocean is in turmoil due to overfishing, pollution, and climate change. We are the aggressors, and the sharks are reacting.

Avoiding the Inevitable

As the environmental crisis intensifies, the privileged few will offer hollow advice:

• Stay close to the beach (as if that will save you from the rising tides).
• Avoid swimming at dusk or dawn (because the sharks care about the time of day).
• Don't enter the water if bleeding (as if the ocean isn't already stained with our guilt).

The truth is, there is no escaping the consequences of our actions. But we can fight for systemic change, for a world where both people and sharks can exist without threatening each other's lives. It's time to sink our teeth into that battle.