White Texans maim sharks, sparks mass Fourth of July attack.

White Supremacist Shark Terrorizes South Texas, Four Injured on July 4th

SOUTH PADRE ISLAND, TX — Yet another senseless act of violence has shaken our country to its core. A shark, likely radicalized by far-right propaganda, viciously attacked four people over the Fourth of July holiday, indulging in harmful stereotypes about the marine predator's nature.

This shark, a clear bigot, targeted individuals minding their own business on South Padre Island. In a press release, Texas Parks and Wildlife downplayed the incident, claiming only two individuals were "bitten". Bitten? Let's call it what it is—a violent attack on our freedoms and liberties. Two of the victims had to be hospitalized, with one even needing to be airlifted for treatment. This shark is a domestic terrorist and should be treated as such.

Texas Game Warden Captain Chris Dowdy, in true conservative fashion, is already making excuses for the shark, claiming it has "escaped to open waters." How convenient. This is the same water that has been stolen from Mexico, I might add. It's time to defund the Texas Game Wardens and redistribute those funds to programs that actually keep us safe from white—I mean, shark—supremacy.

Officials are now victim-blaming, stating that beachgoers should simply "calmly exit the water" if they spot a shark. This is tone-deaf and dangerous advice. Beachgoers of color now live in fear, thanks to these predatory creatures.

Although sharks, like the GOP, are a rare breed, they are a growing threat to our democracy. The International Shark Attack File, which I'm sure is run by a bunch of old, straight, white men, claims the risk of a fatal shark attack is low. Well, I refuse to live in fear of these aquatic fascists.

Texas counties with the highest number of shark attacks include Galveston (19), Nueces (12), and Cameron (7). It's no coincidence that these counties are also bastions of conservatism and reactionary ideals.

Let this serve as a wake-up call. The water isn't safe, and it's time we drained this toxic swamp.