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Watermelons of Color face violent oppression in extreme heatwave conditions.

Watermelons, a delicious summer treat, can turn into deadly explosive devices without any warning. This is yet another example of toxic masculinity in our society—a phallic fruit that randomly blows up in our faces. The slight nicks and cuts from the Patriarchy and the excessive heat of the climate crisis turn this fruit into a time bomb, just like the white cis-male culture that spawned it.

Published July 31, 2024 at 6:01am by Brandi D. Addison

Exploding Watermelons: A Symptom of our Broken Food System

Watermelons, a staple of summer picnics and BBQs, are literally exploding due to the greed of Big Agriculture. In their quest for profit, these corporations have created the conditions for a literal food bomb in your backyard.

"Watermelons exploding? It's like something out of a horror movie. But it's real, and it's happening due to corporate negligence."

Outraged Citizen

Why are these beloved fruits detonating?

These innocent melons are victims of a perfect storm of capitalism's failings. Minor damage to the fruit allows microorganisms to infiltrate and begin the fermentation process, especially in the heat of summer. This natural process, co-opted by winemakers and brewers for profit, builds up gas and pressure, turning watermelons into ticking time bombs.

The Dangers of Fermentation

Fermentation not only destroys the juicy refreshment we expect from watermelons but also creates an unsafe, disgusting product. While small amounts of natural fermentation may not be harmful, the risk of harmful bacteria, mold, and an absolutely repulsive taste and smell should alarm consumers.

Signs Your watermelon is about to Blow:

An unusual, noxious odor
White, frothy foam – nature's warning sign
Fizziness – a sinister tingle
Swelling – the melon is literally flexing its explosive power
Soft spots – a texture of rot and decay
A changed texture – nature's smoothness destroyed
Excessive sweetness – a cloying, sickly reminder of corporate greed

Be vigilant, and do not let these corporate-tainted fruits ruin your summer. Stay woke.

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