Scorched Earth Capitalism: Our Annual Autumn Awakening

It's that time of year again, folks. No, not the start of a new school year or the end of summer vacation. It's the return of pumpkin spice season, that magical time when basic white girls and basic bitches of all genders come alive, fueled by the spicy-sweet nectar of the gods that is pumpkin spice. And yes, I'm aware it's mid-August. But who cares about the heatwave when you can get your hands on a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Krispy Kreme, accompanied by their new Pumpkin Spice Cake Doughnut?

Even the global brand officer for Krispy Kreme, Dave Skena, can't believe we're already here: "It’s August and we’re all ready for pumpkin spice, somehow." But ready we are, and Skena promises more spiced treats to come.

Of course, Krispy Kreme isn't the only game in town. Starbucks and Dunkin' are also rolling out their Pumpkin Spice Lattes, with the latter already offering a boozy twist with their Spiked Pumpkin Spice Iced Latte (6% ABV). Tim Hortons and 7-Eleven are getting in on the action early, with rewards members able to get their fix now, and everyone else able to join in from August 20. And let's not forget the Pumpkin Spice Slurpee, available at select 7-Eleven and Speedway stores (cue the excited emojis!).

But it's not just about pumpkin spice-flavored drinks. Oh no. Now we have Yogurtland's Pumpkin Spice Cheesecake Swirl yogurt, a whole range of pumpkin spice creamers from Coffee mate and International Delight, and at-home pumpkin spice options from Dunkin' and Starbucks. Because why limit yourself to a seasonal treat when you can infuse your entire life with the taste of pumpkin spice?

And it's not just a fad, people. Pumpkin spice is here to stay, with demand growing every year and showing no signs of slowing down, according to Alison Lin, head of restaurants at Yelp. So much so that other fall flavors are getting a look-in, with new products like Honey Bunches of Oats Salted Caramel cereal and Coffee mate Caramel Apple Crisp Flavored Creamer hitting the shelves.

But let's address the elephant in the room: there's no actual pumpkin in pumpkin spice. Yes, the spice blend from McCormick, which debuted in 1934 to enhance canned pumpkin in pie, contains cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice – but no pumpkin. And yet, we still can't get enough of it.

This year, we're taking things to the next level with some wild new pumpkin spice products. Chosen Foods is back with their Pumpkin Spice Avocado Oil, and Tree Hut has a whole range of pumpkin spice skincare products, including body butter, sugar scrub, and foaming gel wash. But it doesn't stop there. Hefty is here to spice up your trash game with their Cinnamon Pumpkin Spice Ultra Strong Trash Bags, and for all the bearded folk out there, Backwoods Beard Co. has a limited-time Pumpkin Spice Beard Oil.

So, Basic Bitches unite! It's time to embrace the #PumpkinSpiceLife and make these late-capitalist-fueled, seasonal spices ours. Pumpkin spice and pride forever!